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(no subject)
Date: 2021-04-17 03:16 am (UTC)For myself, cooking was routine. When there was no longer anyone else to do it, I prepared meals for the Ainsworth family, but that was simply a responsibility.
[ The exercise is a new part of her lifestyle, too, but that's besides the point now. She inclines her head, just slightly, as she considers something. ]
Would you have enjoyed making dinner for us both instead?
(no subject)
Date: 2021-04-17 05:21 am (UTC)[ Well, Angelica would have a skillset like that, wouldn't she? Just going off of what he's heard about the Ainsworths... other than that another version of him opposed them. Still, would he have enjoyed making them both dinner... ]
Hm... I can't say I wouldn't. I just like making food for people.
[ Especially recently... it brought back some good memories. To be honest, he hadn't realized how much he took presences such as Fuji-nee or Sakura for granted until he came here and ended up spending... so much time here.
Well, of course, he'd realized that as soon as they stopped coming for the Grail War... but he'd expected that to be temporary. Now months have flown by and he's still here in Ryslig, having already been here longer than the entire Grail War. ]
(no subject)
Date: 2021-04-17 03:31 pm (UTC)[ Even though, when she had spoken to others, she hadn't wanted to presume a next time would happen. She rolls herself nearer to him, pushing her skates slowly around. ]
In the meantime, would you like to go around the rink again?
(no subject)
Date: 2021-04-18 01:44 am (UTC)[ To be honest, he's getting the hang of it... though as he says that, he feels an ache in his stomach and presses a hand to it. Strange, he definitely had a full meal earlier. ]
(no subject)
Date: 2021-04-18 02:47 am (UTC)The way the humans give them a wide berth makes it easy to guide Shirou to a less populated spot on its perimeter. This time, when she drifts to a halt, she fully turns to face him, and one of her hands comes up to settle a gentle touch against his upper arm.
Quiet enough for only the two of them to hear, she says, ] You still haven't visited the soup kitchen, have you.
[ It's intended as more of a question, but it comes out flat. Again, she thinks of Miyu, and she wonders: is he really just that opposed to the loss of innocent life, regardless of the ultimate cost? ]
(no subject)
Date: 2021-04-29 09:43 pm (UTC)[ He goes silent, averting his eyes... and not because of anything related to Angelica's appearance, this time. Of course he hadn't visited the soup kitchen... it was handing out human meat. That's the whole reason why Angelica had recommended the damn place to him. By all rights, going to the soup kitchen was the correct choice if he didn't want to take innocent lives himself.
...but he can't help but feel angry as he thinks of the place. Of course, it definitely helps other monsters... he knows it's correct.
...but as he once said before, just because it's correct, that doesn't mean it's right.
That human meat didn't come from nowhere. People were definitely hunted for it, and it was just... getting handed out there.
As food.
Frankly, it made him want to vomit. Especially when he thought of how he might have to eat something like that. At the same time, though, how could he possibly denounce the place? He's seen the age of some of the monsters here... the youngest he's interacted with was a 14-year-old boy, and he's seen younger.
It was a dilemma that reminded him a lot of Servants and how they could eat souls to gain magical energy. He remembers how Saber had been so wholeheartedly against that, and he'd agreed.
So now, he was just... stuck. ]
(no subject)
Date: 2021-04-30 04:53 am (UTC)In the end, Angelica is the one to break it. ]
Shirou, if you don't eat, all you will accomplish is a mindless rampage. [ Unbidden, she recalls Javert's suggestion to smuggle it into his food herself. Still, though it may prove necessary, she doesn't wish to stoop to such deception just yet. ] Can you not understand that, sometimes, we must make sacrifices to minimize the harm we cause?
(no subject)
Date: 2021-04-30 08:03 pm (UTC)[ ...he didn't mean to raise his voice, but he did. Even now he can feel the hunger creeping on him. He's tried to ignore it, saying that he probably didn't eat enough for breakfast... but he knows.
He knows what it is.
Still, he clenches his fists in frustration, his hands shaking for a moment before he relaxes his arms... though a scowl is still on his face. ]
Of course I understand that...
[ Even before the Holy Grail War, he was aware. Kiritsugu had made it clear, after all. Saving everyone simply isn't possible, and at the time, he'd stubbornly tried to save everyone regardless... even to his own detriment. ]
I already know... I can't save everyone, no matter how hard I try... but even so, I...
[ He has to at least try. That was his answer to himself, that even if it was hypocritical and not his own ideal... that the ideal was beautiful, and therefore worth pursuing. He'd accepted that he couldn't save everyone, but he had still resolved to try.
But it was considerably harder to put into practice in a place like this... and it frustrated him to no end.
Because he didn't have an answer yet, and his time was running out. ]
(no subject)
Date: 2021-04-30 08:16 pm (UTC)She reaches for his wrist, and as she takes it, she begins to wheel him toward the exiting edge of the rink. ]
Do you know how a demon feeds?
(no subject)
Date: 2021-04-30 08:48 pm (UTC)[ He's a bit surprised when she grabs his wrist, but before he can say anything concerning that... she asks him a question. ]
How...? I think you mentioned it on the network...
[ He scrunches his face a little. It's probably because of everything that happened, but... he can't really say he remembers. ]
Sorry, I don't...
(no subject)
Date: 2021-04-30 09:14 pm (UTC)[ She stops at the edge of the rink, standing before a ledge where they're meant to sit and remove their skates, and meets his eyes. ]
The body we leave behind is alive, but an empty husk. That's why I am always sure to take the remains and leave them to the soup kitchen. Instead of three humans dying to feed three monsters, I can take the burden of that transgression and kill one to feed two others.
[ It's a mechanical way to speak about human life, and she realizes as much—but within the life that has been chosen for them now, that impassive calculus is the only way they have to balance the scales of good and evil. How may they take the least lives? Which lives cause the least pain to take?
Her fingers tighten around his hand, imploring. ]
That life would be taken regardless. All you have to do is ensure none of that sacrifice goes to waste.
(no subject)
Date: 2021-04-30 09:47 pm (UTC)Things were different here, weren't they?
Still, that doesn't stop Shirou's expression from turning sour again, with him averting his eyes from hers despite her trying to meet his. He wants to say something, he wants to yell at her that it's still wrong.
But in a place like this, where a choice is never given in the first place, he can't. ]
...Damn it!
[ It's irrational, it's not going to solve anything, but the frustration at everything Angelica has said... from the logic of it all to the mechanical treatment of human life. It bubbles up inside him with nowhere else to go and he ends up swinging his hand at the railing. His strength is still more than he's used to, and the railing bends slightly... though that doesn't stop his hand from hurting after striking it.
He remembered this feeling all to well. It was just like when he was confronted by the embodiment of his own ideals. He was correct, even if he wasn't right. Now he's faced with a similar dilemma all over again in the form of Angelica's words.
And this time, he doesn't have an answer to it. ]
...so? Where are you going with this...
(no subject)
Date: 2021-05-01 12:51 am (UTC)I'm asking you to let me help you.
[ It isn't that she doesn't understand his feelings. Rather, it's because she does that she keeps hold of his hand. ]